Names of Healing in the Wilderness

Today is the feast day of the Holy Innocents. This day memorializes the children who were slaughtered by Herod in an attempt to murder the Christ child. It is also a day of prayers for the mothers who lost their precious sons. Below is the collect for today.

I have not seen murder or been victim to genocide - though many brothers and sisters today have and are experiencing these evils. What I offer here is a personal story pain, peace, and healing. This is just the beginning story of my son, the one we thought would not join our family on this side of Heaven.

Five years ago today we found out our sweet, third child was a boy! About a week later we would begin to discover all of the complications this pregnancy had in store for us. Terrible news about his viability in the womb, a life-threatening maternal bleed, and a possible, fatal, genetic condition led the specialist to encourage us to abort as soon as possible. We left that appointment and entered an intense week of mourning.

But, Yanis - God is merciful! He surrounded us with the incredible support of our church and the ladies at my Bible Study Fellowship group. It is incredibly humbling to be told by a woman from China that she will pray for my son as she prayers for her son who was in a labor camp. Prayers for my baby boy were said in at least four different languages in that small group of faithful women. We felt a supernatural sense of peace despite the heaviness of our hearts.

This was the first week in my life of faith of constant prayer. It was the first time I felt the physical presence of the Holy Spirit, my comforter. And it was the first time God spoke audibly to me. Names are important to me. Names are the way I bless and pray for my children. God supplied me with the name, Lewis. Lewis is not only a nod to my favorite author and theologian, but is also means renowned warrior. This felt like a promise. I held the promise tightly and the implications loosely.

And then, JEHOVAH RAPHA! The Lord is my healer! My husband and our fetal maternal specialist will tell you a miracle happened when gaps were knit together, linings thickened, and balance restored in my womb to give Lewis a safe place to continue to grow and develop. And that genetic condition (Trisomy 18, if you're curious) with a 50% live birthrate - no indicators could be found by our doctor.

Some might ask what the purpose of this incredibly intense, mournful ten days was when all was made right: I can give you three answers.

1. We were allowed to see a miracle in the time of modern medicine.

2. We experienced incredible community and covering in prayer that we had read about in ancient church in Acts but had never really experienced for ourselves.

3. And, Jehovah-jireh, he provides - without the subsequent follow ups from our doctors to just make sure everything was still ok, we may have never known how low my amniotic fluid got in the third trimester which landed me in the hospital for about a month. We were able to prevent preterm labor and plan a caesarean for the safest delivery of our little warrior.

Today, Lewis is a happy and healthy little boy. Despite his restricted growth in development, he is now in the 95th percentile for his height and in the 58th percentile for his weight. I can't tell you why my son was healed when many others are not. In ministry, I hear equally stories of loss and of miracles.

This story, this history of our family is good for me to revisit, because God's hand is not always to evident in the moment. After Lewis's birth, my family entered a much longer season requiring faith and endurance. God is merciful and gracious when he allows us to come alongside of him in these testimonies. His faithfulness provides strength, and I will forever sing his praise.